Wednesday, 12 October 2016


Once upon a time three Lieutenants were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent? The first Lieutenant knelt down and prayed to the Lord, “Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river!”

A puff of smoke appears…

The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times. BUT, he was successful!

The second Lieutenant, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said, “Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!”

A puff of smoke appears…

The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.

The third Lieutenant who observed all this knelt down and prayed, “Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!”

A puff of smoke appears…

The Lord converted the Lieutenant into a Sergeant. The Sergeant took a quick glance on the map, walked a few metres upstream, and crossed the bridge.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

Little Billy and nerves

A woman is spring cleaning her house and, while she is standing on a chair getting the cobwebs down, little Billy can see right up her skirt.
“What’s that, Mum, that hairy thing up there?” says little Billy whilst pointing at her fanny.

Realising she did not put her knickers on, his Mum said, “Oh, it’s my nerve.”

Just then the doorbell rang and little Billy answered it. Standing there was a bloke in a suit who says, “Hello, we make brushes, anything from sweeping brushes to toilet brushes. This is a new brush to clean the inside of a teapot, it’s only a tenner. Can you ask your Mother if she would like to buy it, please?”

So little Billy tells his Mum and shows her the brush and she says, “A tenner for that, the thieving bastard! No, tell him I don’t want it.”

So Billy goes back to the bloke and says, “Mum doesn’t want it, you’re a thieving bastard.”

The bloke says, “You what?”

Billy says again, “Mum doesn't want it and you’re a thieving bastard.”

So the bloke says, “Well, you tell your Mum she’s got a fucking nerve.”

And little Billy replies, “Yes, and it’s got a lot more hairs on it than your fucking brush.”