Thursday, 27 February 2014


A man received the following text from his neighbour,

“I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again”.
The man, feeling anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text from his neighbour arrived…

“Damned autocorrect! I meant Wi-Fi not wife”.

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Free Meal

A Catholic Priest informs his friend, the Rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.

He explains to the Rabbi how he does it.

I go in to the restaurant just after 9.00pm, eat several courses slowly, and then linger over some coffee, port and a cigar. By 2.00am they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay the bill. Then I tell him, “I’ve already paid your colleague who has already left and gone home.” Because I am a man of the cloth, they take my word for it, and I leave having had a free meal.

The Rabbi is clearly impressed and replies, “Let’s try it together this evening”.

The Priest books them into a restaurant and come 2.00am they are both still quietly sitting there after having had a very full meal.

Sure enough a waiter comes over and asks them to pay the bill.

The Priest tells the waiter, “I’ve already paid your colleague who has already left and gone home.”

The Rabbi then adds… “And we’re still waiting for the change!”