The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes... He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to “drop 'em”, which he did. The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. “Dear Lord!” he suddenly exclaimed, “Where are your testicles?”
The Old Chief calmly replied, “The Falkland Islands.”