Vicar

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more money.

There is a hush within the congregation.

No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the local town, stands up and proclaims: “If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Volkswagen Polo to transport their children!”

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, “If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for all of his children!”

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, “If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.”

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her, “Mrs. Jones, you’re a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?”

Agnes’s 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

“Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ‘Fuck him’”.