Monkey

A man walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them too. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the balls. To everyone’s amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender looks at the bloke and says, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

“No, What?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table… whole!”

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me”, replied the man, “he eats everything in sight. Don’t worry; I’ll pay for the cue ball”.

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later the man is back and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut and again sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender asks, “Did you see what your monkey did just now?”

“No, what?” replied the man.

“Well he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his arse, pulled them out and ate them both”, said the bartender.

“Yeah that doesn’t surprise me”, replied the man. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he measures everything first now”.