Sunday, 6 May 2012

Yorkshire

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. 

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi us."
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A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
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A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words ‘She were thine’ engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.

True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved ‘She were thin’.

He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody ‘e’ out; you've left the bloody ‘e’ out!"

The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.

Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the ‘e’ on the stone for you".

The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud: "E, she were thin".
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Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks the chemist, "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

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