Sperm sample

An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample for the doctor. He turns up two days later at the doctors with an empty jar.

The nurse asks him, “Why is there no sperm sample?”

The old man replied, “Sorry, I tried with my right hand and then with my left hand, then my wife tried with both hands! My wife then tried using her mouth, first with her teeth in and then with her teeth out. We then asked Ethel from next door to try, but it was no good, we just can’t get the fucking jar open!”